You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
