the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
