how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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