If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
