dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
