I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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