Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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