so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
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