I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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