He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
