dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
