I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
