His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
