All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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