So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
