dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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