sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
