I need to stop coming to work sober
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
