I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
