That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
