I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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