Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize