if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sober January is a disaster.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
