last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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