please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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