I am in a vortex of obligation.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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