The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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