Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
