He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
