I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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