they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
