you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
