he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
