so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize