: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
