You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
