sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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