we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
