dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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