i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
