White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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