I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
