I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
