Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
