her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
