oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
