if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
