I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
