You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
