Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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