of course. lets lasso hookers.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
