Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize