Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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