She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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