Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
