You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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