I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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