Michael Bay diarrhea
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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