I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
