Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
