So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He shit in the fireplace
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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