just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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