had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
