Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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