Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
