Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My vagina is officially offended.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
