You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
