I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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