It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
