She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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