So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
