isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
