i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
