how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
