and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
