I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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