I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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