Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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