Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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