Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
