my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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