It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
