Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
