it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
